Listen Up.

Listen up

A common misconception is that people who choose to hold space and guide others always know the right thing to say or the right thing to do, or in my personal case that I can meditate my feelings away…
No! I am still a human being.
Meditation builds the foundation and locks the vault. It helps me stay open no matter what is going on around me and it helps me help those around me by remaining unbias. Not always in my own head though…
We all have flaws.
Yesterday I had to check myself before I literally wrecked myself and today I can look back and see that it was a strength, not a weakness.

Sometimes when people reach out -especially friends and family- I feel like I know exactly what to say to them to make them wake the hell up and realize it’s going to be okay, and so I don’t say anything…
I often remind myself they aren’t looking for an answer and most times -in my experience- saying nothing at all helps them come to the conclusion that they needed to hear from their own mind.

Some of the many things we really need to stop saying to people who might be reaching out:

“Believe me, I know.”
“I totally get it.”
“You know what’s even worse!?”
“I know how you feel.”

I am guilty of all of these and I constantly remind myself that the automatic responses that come out of my mouth need to be governed a little more.

“Believe me, I know” …Believe me, no one will ever “know” what you are feeling and what you are going through. Not your closest friend, not your siblings, not even your “literal creators” which in most cases was a “Mother and Father” but don’t forget that doesn’t pertain to everyone.

“I totally get it” …No, I certainly don’t totally get it, no one ever will. Perhaps when you’re speaking of a math problem or a riddle then you can claim to “totally get it.” You might understand part of “it” but saying “I totally get it” in response to something that is going on with someone else is absolutely ludicrous. Unless I have somehow broken into your brain and subconscious mind and I have experienced every single thing that you have been through since your brain began to develop and how you specifically have dealt with it I will never totally get it.

“You know what’s even worse?!” – That. That statement -in my opinion- is “even worse” than any response you can say to someone especially if they valued you enough to share what they are going through. This one I have worked on over and over and I am still working on it. It is hard for me to take certain problems seriously sometimes. Sometimes I want to grab people by the shoulders and shake them until they wake up and realize “It ain’t so bad” but I can not possibly know that, ever. I can not possibly know your personal barriers or what they mean to you. I don’t know what you are dealing with our what you have already overcome and for anyone who I have done this to, I sincerely apologize.

“I know how you feel” – I can only speak for myself and I can only feel for myself and you will NEVER know what that is like no matter how hard you try. Equally, I will never know how you feel…ever. I would love to listen and try to relate as much as I can if you desire my personal opinion, noting that my personal opinion has been influenced by incredible people, books, music, places and things from all over the world…but that is all I can give.

If you want to help what can you do? Listen; actively listen to what is being said by the person who decided to share. You have no idea what someone might be going through.

If you need help there is always someone and maybe that someone is you with a pen in your hand, writing out everything you feel – and if you feel like there is no one then remember this post that you somehow ended up getting through and know that no matter who I am to you or who you are to me I am always here -until I’m not-

Nothing is permanent. Do what you can and then strive to do better. We are never finished learning. 

create your path, meditate on your thoughts, appreciate what you have; naturally.


Getting over it: Balance.

I am trying to get over my fear of promoting my intention for a business plan online. Clearly, I have begun; if you’re reading this it is because I have decided to put it on the website that I purchased, with the business name that I purchased. Commitment! Scary.

My internal dialog has been going crazy for the past few years (yes years) as to whether sharing stories, lessons, knowledge, gifts or whatever you want to call it/them online is helpful or pretentious…especially since some of how this has all come to be (or is coming to be) is also about how much being online has destroyed some of us…myself included in some ways.
Is that hypocritical or not?!
Sharing on a platform that you think is directly adding to the stress that you’re trying to take away at this time or with this lifestyle…vicious thought cycle… anyways; I have come to a point where I am ready to share with anyone who is ready to listen.

What I have learned is it is all about BALANCE. There is a time for everything. There are so many different stories, quotes, metaphors, etc. about the importance of balance so I never feel like it is important to write about but clearly, some of us still aren’t getting it so let’s talk about balance. Kind-of.

Only my close friends and I know of my strange… let’s say addiction to what I like to call “secret social experiments.” Disclaimer: I do not ever impede on people’s privacy and I would never. It’s more of just a matter of having little internal assumptions of what people will choose and why, or asking a certain question to see the direction someone takes the answer to.
Okay, It’s actually pretty messed up when I write it out and I promise it’s not always happening but here is what part of my social experiment has come to realize these past few years.

People LOVE talking about themselves.
It’s certainly not the case with everyone and you should never assume that it is; you’ll know very well if someone is not interested in communicating and should always respect that.
That being said it’s a good thing! Talking about the subject you know the best is the absolute easiest way to be comfortable. Why is that subject yourself? Because there is nothing you know better than yourself, and no one knows you better than yourself so really there’s nothing you can share (unless you’re a liar, which is a whole other article) that will make people feel the need to jump in or interrupt and tell you that you’re lying or that you regurgitated a fact wrong. (Mind you many people still will and I encourage you to try not to take offense to it and just be open to listening instead of adding to potential tension. If you like arguing then that’s your choice too! Just be as open to listening as you are to speaking.)
Be sure to balance talking with listening.
It works well if you ever have an awkward pause in a conversation and don’t feel like talking. Simply ask the person about what they like or if they’ve been a certain place, it’s more personal and interesting than talking about the weather, latest political news, or what happened on that show last night.
In most cases I have come to realize that no one actually cares what is going on with many of the everyday issues they see on television or news articles because there is simply nothing we can do about them at that precise second other than memorize the information and spew it out to someone else whenever you can’t think of something to say. Is it going to rain? Pack an umbrella, not a social vent that people might not necessarily be open to the second that they meet you. This is a small example obviously but those are the things that often create a negative vibe and remind us of how much is going on in the world; none of which we need to be thinking when we’re just trying to live for the day or strike a conversation with a stranger!
Why not be happy when we have the chance to be? Speak about what we love or who we love or what will make us happy.
This is what helps us positively make it through each day.

I got off topic, but I think I balanced it with a lesson of some sort…somewhere in there. Something tells me that’s enough for today.

Speak & Listen; Balance.

Thought of the day; If something doesn’t feel right maybe it isn’t. Maybe it can be tweaked instead of thrown away completely.
Change your outlook and reassess.